Just Get Them Together Already!
by Cafe Au Liet
Summary: Mustang's subordinates decide to take matters into their own hands, coming up with a plan to get the Colonel and his Lieutenant together. But they weren't prepared for this. Royai.
1. Blind Date

This really isn't me- but it... ended up like this anyway. Haha. Hope you enjoy.

Warning, dirty stuff about, but nothing seriously... dirty... really happens. Supposedly comedic.

Takes place when Mustang is stationed in the east, a little after he got his little group together and quite before the Fullmetal alchemist came into the picture.

* * *

"Why is the Colonel so blind?? It's so obvious that the Lieutenant likes him, right??" Havoc shouted, stabbing his fork in the direction of a poor glasses clad man. Dangerously close too.

This was one of the days when said Colonel was in Central, accompanied by his Lieutenant-slash-assistant-slash-babysitter-slash-perfect-girl-for-him-in-everyone's opinion. They'd be returning to the East that afternoon.

Meanwhile, the rest of his direct subordinates were at the local breakfast place.

"Really? She likes-likes him?" a wide-eyed Fuery asked.

Everyone else rolled their eyes.

"Who would look after that lazy bum of a commanding officer if they didn't love him?" Breda gulped his coffee down.

"The colonel returns her feelings too. He just doesn't show them." Falman put in, grabbing the bottle of syrup from the hands of the confused Fuery.

"But then how did you conclude he has feelings for her?" Fuery's eyebrows scrunched up.

"Looking at them, you just know." Breda stuffed another pancake into his mouth.

"The colonel is probably just in denial, dating all those girls..." said Havoc as he lit up his first cigarette of the day. "Including my ex-girlfriends." he sighed.

#

Riza blinked at the pink piece of paper she found. It was folded up, stuck underneath some papers on her desk, and PINK.

Not that it was the color that disturbed her. Just a little bit.

It was more of the content that puzzled her.

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lieutenant Hawkeye, I think I'm in love with you." -M

'M... Musta...' The thought came, unbidden. On her cheeks appeared the slightest of blushes, but her expression did not betray her.

Yes, it was a pleasant surprise. But when the rest of Colonel Mustang's team was watching through the window, in some bushes, it automatically became pretty hard to believe.

She sighed, took out a pistol and aimed, single handedly firing four shots at the glass window.

#

Boy were Second Lieutenant Havoc, Second Lieutenant Breda, Warrant Officer Falman and Master Sergeant Fuery glad that the window was bulletproof.

"I can't think of any reason why she wouldn't want to receive a letter from a secret admirer!" the lieutenant exclaimed, exasperated. He lit a cigarette.

"It's not that she didn't like it. She's too sharp for her own good. She realized it was us. Lt. Havoc, put that out. We're in the middle of a mission, not to mention in the middle of shrubbery. You might start a fire." the redheaded second lieutenant put in.

"I guess she thinks it's a prank..." the young communications expert sighed.

"Way to state the obvious, kid." said the older warrant officer. "But we're not giving up just yet."

#

The next day, Colonel Mustang discovered a dozen red roses on his desk. They were beautiful. And weren't really intended for him.

"Flowers?" A surprised Lt. Hawkeye exclaimed. She had arrived with him.

"They're for a certain 'R' from 'M'" Roy Mustang read off the note. "Who's M? Maria? Mary? Milly? Or Meredith?" he contemplated, seemingly unaware of his lieutenant's sudden uncomfortable disposition.

"Sir, I'll... fetch a vase for them, sir." Riza continued and left the room again.

The others then filed in, surprised to see their smug looking superior with the bunch of roses that was meant to be for a certain 'R'.

R for Riza.

Riza Hawkeye.

"I found them on my desk." -his answer when questioned.

#

"The stupid delivery guy! He assumed it was for the Colonel??" Breda cursed, careful to keep his voice down. "We know R can stand for both Riza and Roy, but..."

"Wouldn't it be more logical to deliver them to Lt. Hawkeye?" Feury asked.

"What sort of girl would send a dozen red roses to a guy?? Even if he is the Colonel!!!" Havoc exclaimed out loud.

"My thoughts exactly." came a voice from the doorway.

"Lt. Hawkeye?? When did you..." they panicked.

"Yes? Here's the vase, Colonel. I added water to it too."

#

The next day, everyone discovers that the roses seem to have withered and dried up overnight.

"I guess Lt. Hawkeye added something more than water. I'd say some Sodium Hypochloride or some other effective plant killer." Falman said under his breath.

"Aw, man. We've got to come up with something better! The flowers sucked." Havoc complained.

"What about a meeting? A... Date?" Fuery said excitedly.

"Whoa, kid. You're way too enthusiastic. Weren't you the one having doubts before?" Breda chuckled.

"Yes, sir! But that was before you opened my eyes. They're so totally meant for each other. It's so soap opera like that he's her boss, so it's forbidden love and that he's a well known womanizer but she can't help having feelings for him anyway!" Fuery grinned, sparkly eyes and everything.

"Okay kid, tone it down. You're getting kinda freaky." Havoc stared at the younger officer.

#

Meet me at the Italian Restaurant in the fancy hotel six blocks from your apartment at 8:30pm tonight? The one on 12th street. Will be waiting at the table in the corner. -M

Riza stared at the (pink!) paper, crumpled it in her hand, and left the office quietly.

The four, who were trying watch Riza as discreetly as possible, looked up from their paperwork and grinned at each other.

"We've captured the hawk, so let's take this mustang for a ride."

"Nice code names, Lt. Havoc."

"Shut up, Breda."

#

She sighed. A blind date? With a secret admirer? 'This could be a prank.' she thought as she remembered the four guys watching her that time, and every other time, seemingly plotting something sinister. Were they trying to set her up with someone? If so, why not ask her straight up? Of course, she would've probably refused. So they resort to trickery? She sighed.

But what was there to lose? She was single, and free for the night. God knows she never had any social life, besides her friends in the military.

She wondered if this M was a soldier. Then this would violate the law on fraternization. She sighed again.

She'd never get what she really wanted anyway, so... 'Blind date it is.'

#

Did you like the flowers Roy? I've some interesting information for you, but only if you'll meet me in the Italian restaurant in that fancy hotel on 12th street. About 8:15pm? Ask for M's table. Your treat, kay? -M

The Colonel smiled, intrigued. He discovered the crisp pink piece of paper on his desk that afternoon. The lieutenant had gone home early, surprisingly. And the other four were, again, surprisingly, working overtime. He left them, saying he had a date with the flower sender.

Havoc didn't look as jealous as usual. In fact, the four subordinates looked positively gleeful. Did they know who this M was? Who was she? For once, it wasn't someone he asked out- she'd done the asking. So why not? She could turn out to be drop dead gorgeous, or a pretty decent girl at least.

#

"M's table? Oh, this way, sir." the waitress could not help but blush when Mustang, in all his semi-formal button-down shirt goodness, greeted her politely and asked for his table.

"I assume you're Mr. M?" She smiled accommodatingly. "Your date is a very lucky girl."

"Huh?" Mustang was thoroughly confused. "No, I'm not M. Actually, I'm here to meet her. It's a sort of blind date." he explained slowly.

"M is a lady? But I could've sworn it was a guy who called and reserved the table earlier... Guess I was wrong. I'm sorry, mister. She prepared a lot for this, I'm sure, so please enjoy." as she left.

Mustang was dumbstruck with the information he recently discovered.

He tried to process it. Tried.

'M is a guy???'

'He sent me flowers. Flowers.'

'and he asked me out on a date???'

He remembered to close his mouth- it dropped slightly in the course of his... thought processing.

'So, no drop dead gorgeous M?'

#

Drop dead gorgeous, yeah right. The phrase had gone through Riza's head as she got ready for her "date". It would be quite the fancy place, she knew, as she passed the high end hotel on her way to and from work.

She wore a navy blue halter dress that hugged her waist and flowed down 'til the knees. Rebecca had convinced her to buy it, as she looked 'Drop dead gorgeous' in it, the girl's exact words. Not that she really believed the obvious exaggeration. She topped it off with a leather jacket, that didn't go with her dress at all, but she'd take it off later.

Finally, she could not contain her curiosity anymore. It was 8:15pm, and she grabbed her purse.

Lipstick, check.

Tissue, check.

Some money, check.

Pistol, fully loaded, safety locked, check.

Riza Hawkeye never really felt the need for pepper spray.

'Wish me luck, Black Hayate.' she half smiled as she closed the door to her apartment and started walking.

#

Roy Mustang was torn between staying put to wait or tearing the hell away out of there. Before he could make a decision, or think about it clearly, he was distracted by a blonde with a great hourglass figure, even from behind. With the way her hair was put in a bun, she looked achingly familiar. He just couldn't place it.

The girl turned, and imagine his surprise when he saw she had a name tag. 'Lucy' was a waitress. Pretty enough. He smiled and called her over.

'Would you know who called to reserve this table tonight?' He asked her in his deep voice.

Obviously attracted to the guy, she put on a huge smile and answered him, "Ms. M, I think. They called earlier for a reservation at 8:15. I wonder why she isn't here yet."

"You're sure it was a girl?"

"Well... Her voice wasn't that high, it sounded quite neutral. I couldn't really tell, sorry." She apologized.

That's it, he decided.

"Well, she's not here yet..." he said.

"Yes, we'll bring her to your table as soon as she arrives, sir."

He smirked. "Then for the meantime, how would you like to join me-"

"Over here, Miss. He's been waiting for quite a while now." another waitress popped up.

Mustang glanced at his 'date'. Lean legs, dress up to her knees. 'Dang, too long,' he thought, somewhat disappointed. At least it was a girl. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

Then he looked up at her face and what he saw shocked him ridiculously.

#

Riza Hawkeye could not believe her eyes. The Colonel, her boss, was seated at the table the waitress led her to.

She found herself unable to speak, and the two waitresses took the sudden awkward silence as a cue to leave.

Roy Mustang stood up, wide-eyed.

"Lieutenant?"

"S... Sir." She stuttered.

"You're 'M'???" they both exclaimed at the same time.

He chuckled but she still did not crack a smile. It seemed Riza was really surprised.

"Did you write this?" She plucked a slightly crumpled piece of paper from her bag and showed it to him.

He raised his eyebrow at the familiar color. He picked a similar looking folded up note from his pants pocket and handed it to her.

"This 'M' isn't you, Colonel?"

"Oh please, call me Roy, Riza. And no, M does not stand for Mustang, definitely. 'She' was the one who invited me here"

She brushed off the first statement. "Sir, 'He' was the one who's been sending me letters, and asked me out too."

"I got that note this afternoon. I was so intrigued that I postponed my date with Dianna-"

She tensed up at his words. "Then sir, since this is clearly a mistake, a silly prank, please, call up Dianna-" she said the name as if in pain, "-right now. She could still be free. I'm sorry to ruin your night, Colonel Mustang." She turned to leave.

She couldn't think clearly. Her eyesight clouded up with unshed tears. 'No, Riza Hawkeye does not cry in public. Scratch that, Riza Hawkeye does not cry, period.' she told herself.

"Wait!" The familiar voice practically commanded. She froze in her tracks, following orders out of habit. He grabbed her shoulders firmly and turned her around. She looked down, not wanting her superior to see...

"Riza, are you alright? It might be a prank, but I'm glad you turned up. There's no one else I'd rather spend the night with." he told her while shaking her shoulders a bit.

She laughed softly, and sighed. 'What a liar. He does know how to make a woman feel good, doesn't he?' she swiped at her eyes. He let go of her, and she looked up, her expression unreadable again.

"Alright." she agreed. "It's just dinner..."

"Not a date? I came fully prepared to sweep the girl off her feet!" he half joked.

"Then I hope I'm good enough for tonight. You must have been expecting someone totally different." she said nonchalantly, as she took her seat on the chair Mustang pulled back for her.

"You're better than anyone I imagined." he leaned in from behind and whispered into her ear.

She blushed as her heart started to beat unnaturally faster. It seemed it would be quite difficult for her to put up her usual facade that night.

They ordered- she a simple Carbonara pasta and he some seafood kind.

An awkward silence followed as Riza kept her eyes on her wineglass, tilting it 'round and 'round with Roy watching her, quite amused.

"So who do you think planned all this?" he said, to break the silence.

She looked up, "I have a list of suspects, sir."

"I told you not to call me that, Riza! We aren't at work. You used to call me by name before." he frowned.

"Sir, that was before I joined the military, sir. And even then, when you were studying with father, I always called you Mr. Mustang. You were the one who called me Riza, sir."

"You're right... Just, drop the formalities, okay? Please call me Roy. That's an order, Lieutenant." he smiled.

"Wait a second." she suddenly grabbed a pen from her purse like she just realized something. On a table napkin, she wrote:

'Sir, our table's bugged.' she handed it to him.

He read it, then took the pen.

She read: 'Roy, not sir. And by who?'

'It's the type of bug used in our department- Msgt. Fuery's. Sir, they're spying on us.'

He read this in amusement. So his subordinates were behind all this. Then a plan came to him.

'Play along.' he scribbled back.

Before she could ask-

"Riza, let's drop the act- we're alone again. Nobody's listening." He stared into her eyes, smirking.

She was surprised. But she realized soon enough this was to get back at her sneaky co-workers.

"Al- Alright. I guess I'm just uncomfortable..."

"So, when do you think Havoc, Breda, Falman and Fuery will find out?" he said in a straight face.

"Find out what, ...Roy?"

"About us."

Pause.

"They won't suspect a thing, if we keep acting the way we do and if we keep our meetings... as clandestine as... we always have." she smiled weakly.

At that moment, they heard a snort, like someone spitting out their drink. The four were apparently spying on them from nearby. The two were careful not to look in that direction.

Funny, the idea of an audience made her more confident.

"This is new, isn't it, Roy?"

"What is?"

"Us together- out on a date."

He smiled slyly as he placed his elbow on the table and his palm below his chin. "What do you say we skip this and go straight to your house as usual, Riza?"

"I don't think..." She stuttered out at the suggestion, then regained her confidence when she remembered they were being listened to. "But Roy, somebody went through all this trouble to get us together for dinner."

"I don't want to wait any longer! This is boring. I want to go have some real fun."

"And what kind of fun have you got in mind?" she questioned, a bit curious

"Oh, I'd rather show you than explain." Roy looked at her and licked his lips in a way that made her feel... She pinched herself mentally.- 'He's acting. This in all an act.' she thought, suddenly self conscious again.

Silence reigned at the table for four- where four men were not really eating, but instead, were waiting with bated breath for their commanding officer to... elaborate further.

'Relax.' he wrote on the napkin.

"Let's just have these wrapped up and leave! I can't wait to-"

"Now now, behave Roy, you're acting like a child."

He smirked when he realized she'd interrupted him to keep him from saying anything about his 'plans' when they got back to her place, but before he could reply, she suddenly glared at him: "And take your hand away from under there! We're in public!" she said, scolding.

His left hand, previously on his lap, unconsciously reached for a fork on top of the table.

They heard a chorus of gasps and a certain smoker's snickering.

Even he raised an eyebrow at her daring statement.

After his suggestions, his subordinates' imaginations were probably going crazy. Who knew what they were thinking now? After all that time he had spent in their company, he knew just how perverted their minds could be.

She shrugged and actually grinned in return. She was having fun.

He laughed at that and this was when he crushed the bug with his fist.

Crack. Brzzt.

"What do you mean, lost?"

"Get it back!!! Now!"

"Augh! What are they doing over there?"

"Shh!!!"  
-The two heard from somewhere in the restaurant.

"Finally. Privacy. I think that was the best way to leave 'em hanging." the Colonel smiled.

"I'd hate to explain when we get back to work..."

"We don't. They're gonna be curious about it, but we'll leave 'em wondering."

"I wonder why they set this all up..."

"Isn't it obvious? So you could date me? I know you've always had a little crush on me." he smirked.

"What? I- no!" she spit out. God, this was embarrassing.

"Then I was just imagining those 'Mrs. Riza Mustang' doodles in your notebooks? I found them on the dinner table one night."

"That was in junior high school!" she turned red.

"And so... Now, no more?" he asked worriedly.

She shook her head.

"Ah... Well, too bad. You know what, I used to imagine us together when we grew up. You know, living together." He laughed.

She looked at him disbelievingly.

"Your dad hated it when I spent time with you. I think he was just jealous."

"If he even wanted to even spend time with me." she said softly.

He sighed. "He cared about you, you know? That's why he always kept me away from you by giving me stuff to study. He even told me that his number one rule was that I was never to 'touch his daughter' if I didn't want to be toasted like marshmallows on a stick. I didn't think 'touching' meant something else entirely."

"Oh... Yes... Then you wouldn't play with me anymore- tag or wrestling or anything. Then I started poking you and 'accidentally' bumping into you because every time I did, you'd shout something like, 'I touched you! Mr. Hawkeye's gonna kill me!' until you realized he wasn't really going to roast you alive." she laughed at the memory.

"That went on for months, didn't it? You were so carefree back then- and so was I. Sometimes I wish we could just go back."

"I remember you used to pick apples for me and dad and I'd make apple pie for both of you, back then."

"Ah, you weren't good at that at all. Your father would always make me finish the rest of the pie- I don't think he could stand more than one slice at a time."

"Hey, I got better at it, gradually."

"And you never failed to bring me a mug of hot chocolate every night, when you saw me working really hard at studying alchemy."

"You weren't working hard, Roy. You were always slacking around. Just like you do now." she smiled.

"I missed you, Riza. After I became a state alchemist and your father passed away... You never returned my letters anymore. Where were you the whole time? Military Academy?"

"Actually, yes. My grandfather turned out to be a soldier, and I wanted to enlist..."

"What made you decide to?"

"Because of someone."

"Who? Oh, your grandpa?"

"No, someone else."

"It's my fault you enlisted, isn't it? I told you about all of my dreams about the future of this country. I didn't count on all the war that'll supposedly get us there... I should've been enough. Now your hands are stained with blood. You didn't have to..."

"...It was my choice, Roy."

"I wish you never gotten into this mess. The military..."

"We wish for a lot of stuff, but most of the time we've just got to make do with what we already have on our hands."

"Still, I wish you never enlisted."

They ate their dinner in silence for the rest of the night.

She wondered if that last sentence meant he found her presence a bother, all those years.

The lieutenant then offered to accompany the colonel to his home, but he insisted he should be the one to walk with her to her home.

"Are you sure, sir?"

"Yes, it's fine Riza. And please, stop with the sir."

"I can't help it... Roy," she smiled a small smile.

They walked under the moonlit sky to her apartment building.

#

"Goodnight and thank you, sir." Riza said, nodding her head slightly in appreciation when they reached her door on the third floor.

"What, no goodnight kiss?" he joked.

She blushed unconsciously and immediately turned away.

Suddenly, he was impelled to gently take her face in one hand, place the other around her waist, and softly press his lips against hers.

She kissed him back.

He then pulled back and stared straight into the reddish brown eyes that belonged to the person he held dearest to him.

"Sir..." she was still kind of surprised. Both at his and her own actions.

"You know what, Riza? I realize... I don't regret you joining the military after all. You were still innocent and untainted by this... But it was inevitable, because I wouldn't trust anybody else with my back. You're the most capable person for the job. So, please, continue to do your best, Lieutenant." he said, all serious now.

"Sir, yes... Sir." she saluted him.

He acknowledged it then turned to walk down the hallway.

She smiled to herself- he did want her around, after all.

#

'I wish you never enlisted- because then I'd have already asked you to marry me.' he voiced out loud his thoughts once he was sure he was out of anyone's hearing range.

Stupid fraternization laws. Those were definitely near, if not the top of the list of reforms he was going to enact immediately when he became Führer.  
Soon.

#

Four pairs of eyes watched warily as Colonel Roy Mustang entered the office with Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye in tow. The colonel suddenly dropped the lieutenant's hand, the four barely catching it.

"Yes, men? You seem like you want to me ask something." the colonel smirked.

"Sir, no, sir." all four squeaked.

"Oh yes, boys, I've been notified about your behavior for the past few days-" Riza took this time to speak.

"Warrant officer Falman, please refrain from using the military phone line to make personal calls. You've been recorded as calling to the East city Florist, and the hotel on 12th street, not for any military reasons, unless you'd like to explain."

The older guy paled.

"Second Lieutenant Breda, unauthorized missions are prohibited- especially when spying on fellow officers."

The redhead gulped.

"Speaking of unauthorized, Master Sergeant Fuery, espionage equipment is only to be used in official military missions, please remember that."

The timid guy looked scared enough to piss in his pants.

"Second Lieutenant Havoc, I think you should know that possessing a pad of pink paper may significantly decrease your chances of getting a girlfriend."

A cigarette dropped onto the floor.

"And Colonel Mustang-" she continued in her serious tone.

Everyone turned their full attention to her this time-

"How would you like to come over to have dinner at my place tonight?"

"You know I want more than just dinner, lieutenant." he smirked.

"Of course, sir." she replied without batting an eyelid.

They both resisted the urge to laugh at their subordinates' utterly flabbergasted expressions.

#

"I must admit, the holding hands just before entering was a nice touch, sir." she laughed.

"Well, your admonition of them was nothing short of spectacular, either. You sure know how to hit them hard, Lieutenant Hawkeye."

"My pleasure, sir. I'm glad the men came up with the silly idea of setting us up on a fake date. I think I'm going to enjoy work for the next few weeks."

"Oh yes, I love the way you invited me here for dinner." I only wish the second part were real. He added in his mind.

She smiled, proud of herself.

"By the way, your apple pie has improved greatly." he complimented as he took a huge chunk of apple pie from the dessert plate she brought out. "I guess I'll have to be the one who finishes the whole pie, as usual." he added, looking quite the opposite of remorseful.

"Thanks, ...Roy." she said as she gazed at her commanding officer, her childhood friend, her recently rediscovered best friend, and in the future, hopefully, something more...

* * *

I might make a second part. Tell me what you think? :)


	2. Major Misunderstanding

I made a second part! Yay. I feel so productive. I know Riza is a bit OOC in the story. Haha. Sorry. Enjoy. :)

#

Birds were chirping, little children were laughing, the sun was shining, and there was no sign of rain anywhere. Another beautiful day had begun in the east.

Colonel Roy Mustang took a deep breath as he swung open the windows to his bedroom. Sunlight streamed in, and he looked down at the street.

"Lieutenant! You're up early!" he called to the blonde who stood outside the military car she used to get the colonel around East City.

She looked up at her superior's apartment. "Sir." she saluted when she caught sight of his familiar black hair, all tousled up from from his sleep. Her face twitched slightly.

Roy apparently did not sleep with his shirt on. But she knew better than to avert her eyes from the officer she was greeting before he acknowledged it. Not that she really wanted to. There she had a reason, an excuse to stare. Mustang finally saluted her back.

"I just got up! Give me a few minutes to get ready. Would you like to come in, Hawkeye?" he called.

"No sir, I'm fine."

She really was too early, but she had woken up from a nightmare and decided to just get up and get ready for work. She had left Black Hayate, who was dozing off on her bed. She intended to wait for the colonel the whole time.

"Join me for breakfast! We're not going to be late! Besides, I'm not coming out until you come in to get me." He grinned.

"Sir!" she sighed. Her boss acted like such a child at times. But she's since learned that the fastest way to get it over with was to do whatever he wanted her to do.

She climbed the stairs to his unit and knocked quietly on the door.

He opened it, hair wet from a quick morning shower, still shirtless. All he was wearing was his military issued pants. Heat spread unwillingly across her cheeks. She could not help but glance at his muscular form.

"Like what you see, lieutenant?"

Her gaze immediately lifted to his face, his mouth formed into a smirk.

"I'm sorry, sir."

He frowned at her lack of reaction but stood aside to let her in.

He didn't seem to mind that he was in that state of undress in the presence of his subordinate. His female subordinate at that.

That's all I am, after all. His subordinate. Riza admonished herself.

Mustang headed to the small kitchen. "How do fried eggs and bacon sound, Hawkeye?"

"Fine, sir. Would you like some help?"

"You could get the coffee pot started."

"Yes, sir."

Mustang finally put his long sleeved shirt on- to her relief or dismay, Riza could not choose. It was quite a sight. They took their breakfast in silence, and she was surprised to find he could cook. She didn't say anything, but her face showed it all.

"Just 'cause I never cooked for you and teacher, doesn't mean I can't you know." he grinned.

They finished up and walked out the door.

"Then you should have volunteered to help me at times, sir. All those years, I thought you were useless around the house." she told him.

She opened up the door to the passenger seat of the car and he entered. She got into the driver's seat herself.

He grimaced. "Sorry. Know what, I'll make it up to you."

She started the car and drove in the direction of the office.

"How, sir?"

"We're going to have fun with the men today. Remember that conversation we had over dinner when they tried to set us up? We'll put it into action. So make sure you play along."

She didn't know how to respond to that- but then again, she really didn't have a choice. "Yes sir."

#

Perfect, they were early. The office was deserted. Mustang knew that his subordinates had breakfast together on Mondays- and that they arrived together. Time to put his plan into action.

He motioned Lieutenant Hawkeye to his desk. She got up from her own to see what he wanted. He suddenly grabbed her by the waist and set her on the flat surface, then gripped her by the wrists so she would stay still.

"Sir, what are you-?"

Then she heard voices. Havoc's specifically, seemingly telling others about his date last night. It was right outside the door.

Mustang trailed his fingers onto her soft blond hair, and used the other hand on the small of her back to pull her closer to him. He then moved to place his mouth close to her ear, blocking her view of the entrance. From an angle, it looked as if the colonel were kissing her passionately.

With perfect timing, the door swung open to four men.

Roy turned in their direction, slowly, making sure they saw what they were supposed to see. Then he pulled back into his seat immediately, as if he were just caught in the act of something criminal.

The lieutenant stood quickly, straightened her jacket, then faced the men, her face strict and Hawkeye-like.

"Good morning, boys."

They gawked at the scene, forgetting to greet their superiors.

The colonel smirked. He'd forgive them this time.

#

The morning went on eerily quiet. They all quickly got to their desks and started with their work. Ten minutes into this, the colonel stood up.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, accompany me to the general's office. There's something I'd like to discuss with him."

She stood, dropping her pen into her drawer and following her superior out the door. The door shut-

"What the hell was that?" Havoc all but screamed.

"Shh!!! They're still outside the door, Lieutenant Havoc!" Falman said.

They listened for the disappearing footsteps, and Falman poked his head out of the room to make sure there was no one listening. "All clear."

"What the hell was that?" Havoc exclaimed, again.

"Maybe they're seriously seeing each other in secret. I mean, we all concluded that the conversation during that dinner last Friday night was fake- because they had known we were listening. But what if..." Breda pondered out loud.

"As much as I want them together, they shouldn't be doing... stuff like that in public, right?" A worried Fuery asked. "What if some higher ups had seen them instead of us?? The lieutenant could have been reassigned to another office because of the fraternization laws!"

"Well... I guess it's okay if no one found out. We just have to make sure no one else finds out what they've been... doing." Falman answered.

"Knowing the colonel, he'll probably take the opportunity every time they're alone." Havoc frowned.

"Opportunity to what?" Fuery questioned.

"..."

"Nothing, Fuery. He just meant that we shouldn't leave those two alone. At all." Breda was the first to recover.

#

Mustang couldn't help himself. He guffawed. They did leave the room, but not before he had Lieutenant Hawkeye plant one of Master Sergeant Fuery's bugs on her desk.

At present, they were in an empty room that held supplies like reams of paper and bottles of ink. There were extra desks and chairs too, and that's where he had set up the equipment they needed.

The lieutenant could not help but laugh at what had transpired in the office. She'd blushed at what Lieutenant Havoc was implying about her and the colonel, but any discomfort caused by his implication was stripped away by Fuery's innocent question. Sometimes she couldn't believe that Fuery was already 18. The unassuming officer seemed even younger at times.

#

"They're taking awfully long at the general's office..." Fuery commented, looking at the two empty desks in the room.

"Wait, you don't think-" Breda asked.

"They're somewhere else?" Falman supplied.

"Ha-ha. I bet it's the broom closet down the hall." Havoc laughed.

"Or one of the empty offices- Lieutenant Colonel Matthews' unit is out on a mission near the border, north of Resembool.. Bet you a thousand cens, Havoc!" Breda grinned.

"You're on, Lieutenant Breda!"

"Why are you betting over where they are? I'm sure they went to the general's office..." Fuery was confused.

"And besides, how will you verify your guesses?... You wouldn't want to walk in on them... Would you?" Falman looked at the two second lieutenants.

Havoc's expression faltered. "I'm still going to go check." he decided.

#

Mustang grinned at Hawkeye. "How does a trip to the office of Lieutenant Colonel Matthews sound?

"...Lead the way, sir."

#

The four men walked warily toward the broom closet down the hall. Havoc placed his ear on the wood. He's met with silence. Or maybe the door's made of really thick wood- He yanked open the door to find...

Brooms.

That was it.

"I knew it. They wouldn't even be able to move in this space!" Breda laughed.

Havoc sighed. "There goes my lunch. But you still haven't won yet!"

"We're still going to check the lieutenant colonel's office? It's empty, as Lieutenant Colonel Matthews, age 43, left for their mission last night with Captain Daniels, age 37, Second Lieutenant..." Falman shot off.

"Why not?" Havoc cut off the unnecessary information as he lit his cigarette.

Falman looked at him in disbelief, because of what Havoc said or the fact that he interrupted him, nobody knew. They were leaning towards the former, though.

"And if they're there..." Breda gulped. "I'm not sure I want to know."

"Aw, c'mon. Who cares if we catch the colonel and the lieutenant at..." Havoc trailed off as if remembering something.

"At what, Lieutenant Havoc?" came Fuery's curious inquiry.

"Nothing, nothing, let's just go look for them."

#

They arrived at the empty office, entered, and shut the door. Roy took a seat on top of one of the tables, and motioned for Riza to sit beside him. She did so, a little bit nervous about their plan. He'd told her to improvise, and just follow his lead, but what if she said or did the wrong thing? And... what if he really did something? And since he was acting... She wasn't sure if she could take any more of the fake advances he was throwing at her. Sure, it was all an act, but some part of her wished it were real. This kind of teasing was not good for her mind at all! It was like hanging a carrot in front of a horse! The prize was there, but she'll never have it, no matter what she did.

They waited in silence until they heard Fuery's voice. Of course, the three other men would be with him, to verify Breda's conjecture. It was time.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye-" he whispered.

"Sir?" she turned towards him, brought out of her wishful thinking.

She suddenly pulled back, surprised at Mustang's expression. The grin on his face could only be described with one word.

Naughty.

#

"I still think that they're in General Grumman's office- that's what the colonel said, remember?" Fuery tried to reason with his higher ranked and supposedly more experienced comrades.

"Exactly, kid. The colonel said. Who's to say he didn't lie? If it'll make you feel better, then if we don't find them here, we'll head to the general's office." Havoc replied as he twisted a doorknob- and stopped short as a voice sounded through the wood.

"Colonel! Don't! Not here! Stop it!

They four gasped at hearing the lieutenant's voice.

Then Mustang's deep one followed. "But lieutenant! Don't tell me you aren't enjoying this! I've been wanting to do this since you were assigned to me!"

"..."

"Stop it, Roy! Stop! Don't you dare touch me- You know that's my weak spot!" the lieutenant, as if short of breath, let out a gasp.

At which the four men turned pale.

"I haven't had this chance since I was living at your father's house. I remember, I used to ambush you in your room, or even in the kitchen!"

"Roy! Stop, stop this instant!" she let out a giggle.

The lieutenant just giggled. GIGGLED. Little girls giggled. Teenage girls giggled. Heck, even little boys giggled. But Lieutenant Hawkeye does not _giggle_. -as where the thoughts that ran through each of the subordinates' minds.

"I don't wanna." their commanding officer countered, childishly.

The lieutenant moaned, seemingly tired and exasperated. The colonel on the other hand, laughed out loud.

"Don't start again, Roy! We've got to get back to work! Who knows what the others are doing? They must be slacking off! Ahh!"

"They're definitely not having as much fun as we are, Riza."

All was silent outside and then even inside the room. Riza took time to catch her breath, and so did Roy. They were both taking deep breaths from the effort-

Breda, Havoc, Fuery and Falman decided they had had enough and ran as fast as their legs would take them, back to Colonel Mustang's office.

#

As soon as their breathing slowed, Riza and Roy got off the desk and started straightening themselves out.

"I can't believe you just did that to me, sir!" she exclaimed.

"You know you enjoyed it. I'm just glad that after all these years, you're still as ticklish as you were when you were ten."

"I don't understand though... I thought we were supposed to be... Caught by the men in an awkward position, like this morning..."

"You'd like that?" he smirked.

"Sir, no! I just... assumed!"

"Well, did you hear the trampling outside? I'm guessing they had misinterpreted what was happening and rushed straight to their paperwork."

"What was happening? You mean they were listening? But then all you did was decide to attack me and tickle-" realization dawned onto her. "No way. The things we were saying- I was saying-!"

"I knew you'd protest that way, rather than laugh aloud. You always did, when we were young. I just made my own script, not that anything I said wasn't truthful." his smirk grew even wider.

"Sir! They could be thinking something else entirely!"

"And you think they'll believe us if we explain?" he seemed to thoroughly enjoy the flustered lieutenant's arguments.

"...Not at all, sir."

"Great, I'm glad that's cleared up. So what do you say to getting back to work?" He lead her out into the corridor.

"I think it's a great idea sir." the redness in her face gradually subsiding.

#

The rest of the day, the four subordinates found they could not look at their direct superiors straight in the eye.

Roy just smirked at this, finding it quite amusing. Now he'd have something to laugh about with Riza during their dinners.

"Nothing could ruin my mood today!" he exclaimed out loud, stretching his arms.

"Sir-" Riza pointed to a huge pile of paper on his desk.

"Oh. Right."

But the seemingly endless amount of paperwork still did nothing to dampen his spirit.

#

They're still not together, so I guess it's not yet done. But I'm running out of ideas on how to 'mentally torture the men' as one person so aptly described it. Thanks for that, Little Miss Clueless. Any ideas? :D I'd appreciate them. :D


	3. Riza's Revenge

Warning- suggestive themes ahead. Nothing really serious. Please enjoy!

* * *

Ding dong. The doorbell chimed, echoing in the silence of her apartment.

"I wonder who that could be, Black Hayate." Riza stood from where she was cleaning a rifle, almost obsessively. Her dog had been watching intently, as if trying to learn from what she was doing, when the doorbell rang that Tuesday evening.

She opened it. "Havoc!" She acknowledged, surprised. She wasn't really expecting anyone. Let alone Havoc in civilian clothes.

"Evening, lieutenant." he tipped his cap and smiled warmly.

"Come in." she welcomed.

"Ah, no, thank you. I just came to ask you for a favor.

"What is it?"

"Well, I was just wondering if I could borrow your military issued pistol? Because mine seems broken and I want to disassemble yours so I could check-" he babbled, almost nervously.

"Don't they have the same guns in the gun range at headquarters?"

"Well, it takes too much time to sign one out and go through all the proceedings. I just want to take a look"

"Then, why mine? You could have asked any other soldier at work. They're all the same model"

"I figured you had extra weapons with you," he shrugged. "So I'll return it to you tomorrow morning before you head off to work." he insisted, tone raising a bit.

She was taken aback, but then deemed his reasons plausible enough. "Wait here, lieutenant."

Yes! She agreed! He thought gleefully. Now Fuery could...

"Here." she came back and handed him a holster, gun inside. "By the way, I emptied it of the bullets."

"I wasn't going to use it to shoot anyone, lieutenant!" the man protested.

"Can't be too sure." she said in a serious tone, a smirk gracing her lips.

"Lighten up, Hawkeye! Thank you anyway. Goodnight, see you tomorrow." he blurted out, afraid she had seen through his act. He turned away quickly.

"Goodnight, Havoc." she closed the door and turned back to her rifle and her puppy.

"They're up to something again." she muttered to herself.

The black Shiba Inu whined, as if in response. She scratched the back of his ears.

#

Ding dong. The sun sat low on the sky, it was very early in the morning.

That must be Lieutenant Havoc, she thought. He did say he'll get it back before she left for work, but she was expecting him to just return it when they saw each other in the office. She made her way to open the door.

"Hi... Ma'am." Fuery stood at her door, looking very nervous, eyes wide underneath his glasses.

She'd opened it wearing her military pants, but on top just a form fitting sleeveless tank that she wore underneath her short sleeved turtleneck undershirt. Apparently, Fuery was discomforted by this. She noticed, and told him to come in, while she grabbed said turtleneck and slipped it on.

She realized wasn't used to visitors. The only one in the past few months had been Roy, and he never came by unexpected.

He entered, but stopped short. He took something out of a paper bag and handed it to her.

"Here's your gun, lieutenant. Lieutenant Havoc told me to give it to you."

She raised her eyebrow at that. "When did he get the chance to give it to you, Master Sergeant?"

"This... morning, ma'am" he gulped.

"Ah... I see. Thank you, Fuery."

"Would you like to walk to work together, lieutenant?" he asked.

"Yes, that would be great." The colonel was a big boy, he knew how to walk to headquarters himself. She grabbed her jacket and purse, and attached her gun to the back of her waist. Another handgun was situated on her left hip. She patted Black Hayate on the head, and turned to Fuery. "Let's go."

#

The four were presently stationed in Lieutenant Colonel Matthews' still empty office, 'eating lunch'.

"God, I can't work like this!" Breda uttered out loud, taking an aggressive bite out of the innocent sandwich in his hand.

"Why can't we just confront them and get it over with?" Fuery sighed.

"Because they don't know we've been spying on them." Falman said as a matter-of-factly.

"This is horrible! I can't look the colonel and the lieutenant straight in the eyes, knowing we eavesdropped! And that we're doing it again!" the young communications expert worried, fumbling with his sandwich wrapper.

"Yes, but if we confess, then we'll have to admit that we overheard them doing... you know." Breda told him.

"And no one wants that, right?" Havoc grinned. "Anyway, Fuery, this is for good cause! After that... thing the other day, I'm convinced Hawkeye's an unwilling participant in their little... trysts! The colonel may be forcing her to cooperate, maybe even ordering her to- didn't it sound that way?"

"Maybe the colonel's not assaulting her, Havoc. Maybe she really does... want him too." Breda pointed out.

"No way. She's a self-respecting woman. Mustang would need to pledge his undying love or something to her first! Either that, or he's married her already. Both of which I'm so sure he did not do."

"Where did you get that information from, Havoc?" Falman asked, curious.

"What if I told you that women's magazines aren't only for women?"

"...Right." Breda sighed. "How hopeless with girls can you get?"

#

"Lieutenant, I have another plan." Roy Mustang called to the blonde woman sitting at her desk. The four had gone out for their lunch break, or at least, that's what they said.

She put a finger to her lips signifying he should be silent. He raised an eyebrow, but conceded. She had taken a piece of paper and started writing. He stood and walked over, reading over her shoulder.

The paper said: 'Sir, they've planted some spying device on my gun.'

Oh, another one? 'A bug? Perfect.' He wrote back.

"I think we should just get this over with." she thought about the four listening in. This was the chance to finally clear up grave misunderstandings. "We can explain to everyone that-"

"That we're secretly in a relationship?" he grinned at her.

Not again, she thought. "Sir-"

'One more time, please?' he had written on the flat surface of the paper.

She read it with mixed feelings. Why was he toying with her? It was agonizing. She wanted nothing but... him. For real, and not just playing it up for the men.

She closed her eyes in frustration and made a decision she hoped she wouldn't regret. Oh, if he wanted her to play this game, she would play it.

She deftly unbuttoned her jacket and set it down on her desk.

Then she turned to him.

"Roy," she all but purred, standing and grasping his shoulders.

"Riza?" he answered, stepping back a bit.

"Have I told you," she started to walk, pushing him even further back. "That I am a little bit attracted to you?" she said in a tone Roy did not recognize. He had been rendered speechless when he suddenly bumped into something. She has driven him backwards to his own chair. Forced down a bit roughly, he sat.

"Well, what do you plan to do about that, lieutenant?" he smirked, trying to keep his cool. Something inside him was demanding to be let out, although he didn't know what. He snaked both his arms around her waist.

"Well, _colonel_," she emphasized the title. "Would you like me to show you?" she sat herself on his lap, trailing a hand down his chest. He hadn't realized what was happening until she had his own jacket fully unbuttoned. She took it and got it off him, with Roy quite a willing participant. He was entranced by the side of the lieutenant he had never seen before.

He was disabled, weakened, paralyzed at the sight.

So you can imagine how the four men felt at the _sound_.

#

"Oh my gawd. What the heck's wrong with Hawkeye?" Havoc practically screamed out.

"I can't do this anymore, guys! Fuery cried, tearing the headset off his head. "I don't want to listen!"

"So... You're leaving, Fuery?" Falman asked. "To go back to the office?"

Fuery panicked. "I- where else can I go?"

"I can't take it anymore. We have got to tell them that we know. I had faith in Lieutenant Hawkeye. I thought she'd give him a harder time than this!" Havoc slammed his fist on the wooden table.

"See why you're such an idiot when it comes to girls?" Breda laughed out loud; Then he added nervously, "Just let them be. Aren't you the one who said we should get them together? You're hopeless."

"I am not hope-" they all froze when a low moan- the colonel- comes over the frequency.

"What the-" Havoc cursed. "I'm going to go over there right now and telling them to stop!"

He stormed out of the room, the rest of them scrambling to follow.

#

She nibbled on his ear and whispered his name, called his name as loud as she could while no one outside the door could hear them. He sat there, hands still on her waist, breathing her scent in. Her close proximity was intoxicating and driving him mad with... desire. Still, he fought the urge to move his hands from their present position.

She twisted her fingers into his dark colored locks and pulled gently, teasing. She pressed herself to his body, arms around his neck. Sweat had started to form on his forehead. She wiped them away, a pleased smirk on her face. She would give the colonel what he wanted.

She had placed her lips onto his nose first, then onto his cheeks, trailing kisses down the length of his jaw, and onto his neck- everywhere but on his lips. He shivered in contentment."And that's all you get. For now." she whispered breathily into his ear and got off him, uniform hardly rumpled, in great contrast his own.

Hair disheveled from when she ran her fingers through it multiple times, first few shirt buttons stealthily undone open, jacket carelessly strewn over his desk, the colonel found he could not move. He was... stunned.

He smiled to himself, amused. Was that all just an act? Well then, Riza Hawkeye was one heck of an actress.

She returned to her desk, put on her jacket, and started attending to her paperwork, as if nothing had just happened. Inside, she was very pleased with herself. She had actually enjoyed their little show, but she wouldn't admit that to the colonel. No, all that was just to shut him up.

BAM. The door to the office swung open, hitting the wall hard, and she turned to the intruder in annoyance. "Havoc! Don't break the door!"

"I-" Gaze moving from the calm and collected blonde working at her desk to unkempt and disorganized looking commanding officer smiling to himself in his chair, Havoc's jaw dropped.

"What is it, Havoc?" Roy finally snapped out of his daze.

"Great, you're not... uh... busy." he had been mentally preparing for what he should have walked into, but relief surged into him unexpectedly when he arrived at the scene. "Colonel and Lieutenant, I need to ask you something!" Havoc spoke determinedly from the doorway.

"What is it, Second Lieutenant Havoc?" Mustang asked.

"Chief, are you two- mmffm." he was interrupted but a hand that shot out to cover his mouth. Apparently Falman's, as he was right behind the smoker. Breda and Fuery followed closely behind.

"Lieutenant Havoc, I think you should close the door first, and maybe not let the whole headquarters find out..." Fuery explained timidly.

Hallway checked for people and door closed, Breda gave Havoc the signal to burst out.

"Chief, are you and the lieutenant together?" he shouted.

Riza glanced towards Roy. This was it. The outcome of Roy Mustang's deranged ideas. She gave him a look along the lines of, 'you got us into this, so you explain." He didn't miss it.

"So what if we are?" he asked the four.

"Sir, we aren't..." she looked at him pointedly. "What are you saying?"

"I mean, since we're together, I think these four deserve to know."

Everyone held their breath for a moment.

"There's nothing to 'know', men. We are not together. That would go against the rules." she gave up and turned to the subordinates instead.

They turned to her with utterly confused faces.

"Then how do you explain the seducing thing just now?" Havoc cried.

"It was to make him stop with the ideas, okay? It was an act." she explained.

"And the incident in the lieutenant colonel's office the other day-" Fuery started.

"I was being tickled." she answered curtly.

This was met with puzzled expressions until Breda, never one to pick things up slowly, started cracking up. The three others replayed the conversation they overheard, and followed suit, Fuery giggling like mad.

Roy and Riza both looked at him with a concerned expression.

They calmed down a bit, then...

"How about the dinner thing at Hawkeye's apartment! The more-than-just-dinner thing!" Breda put in.

"Not to mention, the interesting conversation you had in the restaurant." Falman added.

"Lies. Trickery." Riza sighed. "Colonel, take responsibility." she turned to the man in question.

Mustang smirked, not at all ashamed to have been found out.

* * *

Thanks to WildSilence023- your suggestion inspired me, but then it turned out like this. Heehee. Hope I didn't disappoint. I'll be sure to try again. Next chapter will prolly be the last- I found out it's pretty hard to think... dirty. Haha. Sorry. :) Again, hope you enjoyed.


	4. Not So Happy Ending

Hello hello. :) Here's another chapter. Sorry it took longer than usual. I wrote up a really long chapter, but it ended up all drama-like, and with little humor. So thanks to Audrey- who told me it didn't fit the mood of the other chapters. I changed it now. And I'm somewhat satisfied. This is probably the last chapter, and the end of this story. If I get an idea of how to continue it, though, I'll try. :) Once again, enjoy! And thanks for reading until the last chapter.

* * *

"Gracia just came home from the hospital! I have a child now, Roy! We've named her Elysia, and she's the cutest thing ever!"

"Congratulations, Hughes." Roy truly was happy. Maes was his best friend since their military academy days. He was assigned to Central, living there with his wife and now, his daughter.

"You better get your sorry butt up here to see her soon, you're her godfather."

"I will, Maes, thank you."

"But before that, why don't you get married to a beautiful lady and produce a playmate for little Elysia?" came the light tone of the lieutenant colonel.

"Hughes." he warned. Roy had excused the fact that he was using the military line- he had just become a father, after all. But if it was turning into one of those conversations-

"Oh, get yourself a wife!" the arguably more cheerful man laughed into the phone.

Mustang, quite fed up, slammed the poor handset down. "I'll find a wife in my own time!" he shouted at the mechanism, though he knew Hughes wouldn't be able to hear.

"Sir, please refrain from letting your temper get the best of you." Hawkeye chided and frowned at him from her desk. The rest of the men, Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery, were startled at the colonel's outburst.

"Chief, if you need a wife, you could always marry Hawk- oof! What the heck was that for, Breda? I think you broke something!" Havoc reached for his smashed toes.

After everything that had happened, all the misunderstandings, compromising situations and confessions, the four still believed that their commanding officer and the lieutenant were made for each other. In the pure love and feelings kind of way. Not the kind where they just- well, the kind that was temporary.

You could say they were both disappointed and relieved when they realized how their cunning superiors had tricked them. At least now they knew the truth.

#

"Did you hear??"

"That scheming girl- she's caught him for herself??"

"I think he's taking advantage of the fact he's her boss!"

"Does he think he can get away with this? The authorities will find out some time."

Fuery made his way through the crowded cafeteria to where Breda, Havoc and Falman were already seated. Barely taking in what people had been gossiping about, he was suddenly jerked to attention when he heard the name of his commanding officer.

"If Colonel Mustang thinks he can get away with it, he's in for a big surprise."

"Yeah, just 'cause he rose through the ranks so quickly, and at such a young age-"

"He probably thinks he can do anything."

"The laws get in the way of our relationships too- he can't be an exception!"

Two men walking in Fuery's direction didn't seem to notice the young man behind them as they complained about Mustang. What had the colonel done to upset them? He thought to himself as he sat down.

Then a high pitched voice caught his attention. It was one of the girls from accounting, seated on the next table, gossiping too.

"Mustang, she's got Colonel Mustang?"

"No way, that gun-loving tomboy?"

"What does he see in Hawkeye??"

"No idea! But John in the lieutenant colonel's unit swears he found them doing the down and dirty right in the office!"

"I thought he said he saw them kissing, or something."

"No, he apparently 'heard' something going on. Something very inappropriate."

"That conniving- I'd wanted Mustang to myself the whole time- What makes Lieutenant Hawkeye think she's exempted from the frat laws?? I'd like to give her a piece of my mind!"

By this time, the four men, who had heard everything, had paled considerably.

#

The rest of the morning had gone on quite peacefully. It was a slow day at the Eastern headquarters, and Roy soon found his thoughts wandering over to a certain blonde lady.

It was lunch time again. The four had gone to who knows where for their lunch break and he was sure he'd be alone with Hawkeye for quite a while.

Roy stared at the lieutenant from his desk. He stared quite blatantly, but if she noticed, she didn't say anything.

He admired the way her hair shined in the midday sun, at the way her skin was so clear. She possessed long eyelashes that brought out piercing auburn irises. She wasn't very tall, but not short either. She still had lean, long legs and a proportioned figure. Those were the simple but beautiful things on the outside. Don't even try to get him started on the inside.

She was strict, and expected nothing but the best performance from everyone, she herself never one to do anything halfheartedly. She was practical and reserved, but she was also kindhearted and caring. Even loving at times. Contrary to popular belief, she had a sense of humor, a witty one at that. She was extremely strong willed, even to the point of stubborn, but that only made her fiercely loyal, as he had seen all those years... He could go on describing her all day!

After all that thinking about it, he decided that he just had to tell her his feelings. Forget about the fraternization laws- didn't he do just that, that night, when he gave in to the excruciating temptation outside her door?

When he kissed her?

Neither had mentioned anything about it. Not a word. It was as if they had some unspoken agreement that prompted them to keep whatever they had felt about that night a secret. As if nothing had even happened.

It had been a spur of the moment thing, which he had thoroughly enjoyed, and now... craved. Well, that's what Roy felt. He didn't know what she thought, but at least she hadn't rejected the kiss. He only hoped she didn't think of it as a joke. Given what he had said on the occasion- 'What, no goodnight kiss?'- it was more than likely. He still mentally slapped himself for that from time to time

Then yesterday happened. Maybe it wasn't real. Maybe it was all an act. But he couldn't deny how much he enjoyed having her close to him, as if she were really... his. He had been going crazy thinking about his lieutenant. About his Riza.

He knew there was a chance Riza wouldn't even feel the same about him. It was against the law, after all. And she was never one to rebel. But he thought it was still possible. If they kept it a secret, if they didn't do anything to catch the higher-ups' attention, then it would be alright, he reasoned out.

The particular subject had kept him up night after night since their 'date'. This whole morning, she was still the only thing he could think about. Now wonder he was always being reprimanded by the same person for procrastinating and daydreaming. Would she be mad if she knew he was thinking of her?

That was it. It was driving him completely insane. He'd tell her now, before he chickened out. He wanted to tell her just how much he needed her. How he would go mad at the thought of her leaving him. How he thought she was the best thing that's ever happened to him.

So he got up from his seat and started to close the distance between them.

She only realized his presence when he was standing next to her. Yes, he had that effect on her. Reflexes, instinct, all her sniper training just disappeared when they were alone. Together. Unfortunately. "Colonel? What do you need?"

"I need..." You, he almost said out loud, but then quickly thought the better of it. "I want... to talk, Lieutenant Hawkeye. No, Riza."

Surprise registered on her face, but she swiftly regained her composure. "Sir, we aren't out of the workplace-"

"Yes, but I don't want to talk about work." he took her hands in his, his face tinged a slight red.

She looked at him expectantly.

"Riza, I lo-"

Then suddenly the door to the office banged against the wall, again. Hawkeye stood up, unconsciously pulling her hands out of Mustang's grasp.

"Havoc, didn't I tell you-" she stopped short when she saw Fuery had opened the door, not the other weapons specialist.

"Sir, Colonel Mustang! We've got a huge problem!" Fuery stammered out as he burst into the room.

"What is it, Master Sergeant?" he asked, quite annoyed at the interruption. There was what could have been the most defining point of his life, and-

"They- everyone- thinks you're having an affair with Lieutenant Hawkeye!" he glanced alternately between the two.

The lieutenant frowned, while the colonel couldn't help but roll his eyes in exasperation at the irony of it all. They weren't having an affair, no. But he wished they were.

"And why do they think that?" Mustang asked.

"Well... Some guy apparently heard something yesterday. When Lieutenant Hawkeye was..."

She involuntarily gasped when she realized. "I knew I shouldn't have-"

"Relax, lieutenant. You know very well that nothing happened between us. It's a baseless rumor."

"But what they heard-"

"There was nothing to hear." he said with conviction.

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his obvious lie. This could ruin both their military careers. He needed to stay- to get to the top. She needed to stay- to protect him on the way there. But she knew that she would be reassigned to a different unit if this got the higher ups' attention. She wouldn't be able to do her job then.

"Well, we could spread a different rumor." Breda's voice came from the door. "We could say that some girl who was in love the colonel got jealous of Hawkeye being so close to Mustang and spread that crazy rumor about him and the lieutenant so that Hawkeye would be separated from him."

"Or, someone who liked the lieutenant didn't want any chance of her falling for the colonel's womanizing ways. That sounds plausible too." Falman had added, right behind Breda.

"Or we could say that there's no way they got together- because the colonel's gay!" Havoc laughed boisterously.

"I am not gay." Mustang glared at him.

"Damn. If you were, then all the girls who left me for you would be sorry they ever broke up with me." he frowned.

"Well, we've still got to come up with something." Fuery reminded them timidly.

"Have you heard about the rumor of Lieutenant Hawkeye's marriage?" Havoc suggested.

"Her what?" Mustang glanced at Riza, who had her usual poker face on, not giving away anything in her expression.

"I'm-" she started to say.

"Well, you know, I heard that since she doesn't have any family here in the East, nobody knows Riza Hawkeye all that well. She's mysterious. Intriguing. And she's apparently married to some guy who lives in her hometown, that's why she shows no interest in dating."

"Where did you hear that rumor, Lieutenant Havoc?" she asked him.

"Around. People are curious, not to mention skeptical, as to why such a pretty girl like the lieutenant would be single. So she's got to be taken." he grinned at her.

"I'm surprised they got it right. I had to leave him up north when I decided to join the military. I do miss him terribly." she commented, frowning.

Five heads simultaneously turned to her in shock.

"You're married, Lieutenant Hawkeye???" Fuery's disbelieving voice broke the silence.

"No way. To who? Do we know him?" Breda's.

"What's his name?" Falman inquired.

"I always thought you were going to marry Mus-" Havoc was suddenly interrupted-

By Mustang himself- "What the hell, Riza? When did that happen?" his face looked panicked, mind reeling from all the possible explanations. When? After Ishbal? Right after her father died? And more importantly, who? Some guy from the town Mustang had partly grown up in?

She stifled a laugh but cracked a small smile. "You should see your faces. It was a joke. How could you believe something that outrageous?"

"So... It isn't true?" the older warrant officer clarified.

"I just got all confused there." Breda laughed.

"Well, if we believed it, then the others will too." Havoc cheered.

"We can make his whole background story and spread the news." Fuery put in.

Mustang was the only one who stayed quiet. He'd really been scared when he thought he'd already lost.

"Men, don't you think you should ask me first?" Hawkeye fixed them a serious expression.

"But we need to squash out the rumor that you two are having an affair!" Havoc looked at her as if it was obviously the only option. Easy, pretend she was already married.

"Because if we don't, you might be transferred to a different division- we need you over here, Lieutenant!" the young communications specialist assured her sweetly.

"It makes sense. Lieutenant, you don't have any living relatives, right?" Falman turned to her. She nodded, she didn't know of any.

"Great. Then let's start creating this guy." Breda grinned, as if it were a game.

Riza sighed to herself. So did Roy.

#

"Lieutenant General Grumman wants you in his office, sir." the sergeant informed Colonel Mustang late that evening. "He said to bring First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye with you too, sir."

He must have heard about it, finally. The general was a very reasonable man. He'd listen to what they'd have to say, Roy tried to convince himself. But then again, what they could explain to him was utterly weird. How could he tell him that it was all a mistake- that Riza was acting, not trying to... seduce him in the office. Roy thought that maybe he deserved it. He'd been so stubborn with what he thought was nothing but harmless fun.

As he entered the office with Riza right behind him, he saluted in greeting. She did the same, facing towards the jolly looking man behind the desk.

"At ease, the two of you. Please, sit down." he invited them. They complied.

"It's come to my attention that you two have apparently gotten together. As you probably realize, that is against the rules and one of you should be transferred. The fraternization laws of Amestris state that it is acceptable for a soldier to have a personal relationship with other military personnel, though highly discouraged. But when one is the other's direct commanding officer, then it poses a slight problem." he looked at the two younger people from under his glasses.

'Sir-" Mustang started, "General, with all due respect, what you've heard is quite false. Nothing has happened between us. I see Lieutenant Hawkeye as a colleague and a friend, nothing more, nothing less."

"My feelings exactly, sir." She concurred.

"Sir, we're both happily single, and available. I don't think I'll be diving into a serious relationship anytime soon." Mustang continued to explain, while Riza stared at an empty space beside the general, expression unreadable.

"And here I was hoping you would marry my granddaughter. I wonder if there's still hope." The general directed his attention to Roy, but managed to take an imperceptive glance at the lady beside him, who was unaware of the fact her grandfather was still alive. And that he was right in that very room.

"Sir, I am not planning to get married anytime soon, as I have told you a number of times, sir." he replied, a bit aggravated. First Hughes, then Lieutenant General Grumman. Why was everyone so hung on seeing him tied down?

"But then I came across the strangest rumor. It seems my granddaughter has up and married already. Without telling me, her poor grandfather." he knit his eyebrows together, completely ignoring Roy's protests.

"I'm sorry, sir. That must have been heartbreaking." Hawkeye sympathized.

His eyes twinkled as he replied to her. "But you see, I don't believe it. I've been keeping an eye on her, and there's no way she's married. Maybe she's said so to keep people off her back. She's a very strong, independent woman. You'll like her, Colonel Mustang." he turned to him.

Roy felt quite uncomfortable discussing this around Riza. He was honestly interested in the general's granddaughter. But only because he talked about her all the time. Roy felt like he knew the girl himself. But it was still Riza he liked. Riza he loved.

"Well, if that's all cleared up, I guess there's nothing to worry about. As long as you're more careful about your secret, then no one will find out. You're dismissed." Grumman smiled knowingly at the two.

Riza spoke up. "Sir, there's nothing-"

"Thank you, sir." Roy interrupted her, saluting him. Riza, at a loss, followed suit. The older man acknowledged it and they both left the office. Leaving the eccentric old man grinning by himself.

#

"Sir. Nothing happened between us, remember?" She reminded him exasperatedly when they reached the privacy of their empty office. "Why, just why, do you keep omitting out that fact? Or even worse, implying it?"

"General Grumman understands, and he's been nagging me to get married. I bet he's so happy I've finally gone steady with a girl that he won't even mind the fact that we're both from the military." he explained quietly, turning around to face her.

That did it. "Sir, don't you think you should ask how I feel? Do you think I want to be seen as unavailable? I have no future prospects as it is. I've always wanted a husband. And then maybe some children. A family of my own. But then I realized that my performing service here was more important, so I pushed those dreams away." she informed him angrily. When he didn't reply, she continued, softly now. "Do you think I _want_ to be associated with you? In that way? Your... lover?"

"I-" he was rendered speechless by her sudden outburst. And by the realization that she didn't return the feelings he had for her. There was a chance, but he was so sure-

"You thought I was in love with you, didn't you? You thought I was charmed by your handsome countenance, your oh so tantalizing personality, your intelligence and foresight, your admirable leadership- just like those women who throw themselves at your feet! That's awfully presuming, egotistical and utterly self-confident of you, to think that a woman has fallen in love with you, even when she hasn't shown the slightest interest!" her quiet, angry voice pierced the air.

Every word struck his heart with an inexplicably awful pain. She was right. Who was he to say they were an item when it was only a one-sided attraction on his part. What the heck was he thinking?

"But the thing is, you're right." she whispered, bringing him out of his self-loathing thoughts. "I'm not mad at you... I'm irritated at myself. Because I've... fallen in love."

He looked up at her in surprise. Then took in what she had said.

"It... almost drove me crazy, you know? It had me up all night thinking about you, again." Roy started, recovering his confidence from earlier. "You know, what you did. And not because I found it really... sexy..." he coughed. "Though I have to admit, that was a major factor." he smiled sheepishly, referring to her 'performance', before turning serious again.

"I love you, Riza Hawkeye." he smiled at her. " I loved you since... I don't even know! Since the time you accepted this position. Since the time we were stationed in Ishbal. Since the time we met in your home, barely teenagers. I really have, for a long time. Way too long."

She averted her gaze from his, and looked down at her hands instead, while he continued in his low, rich voice:

"I put my life in your hands because you're the only one I trust enough. Yesterday, whatever you did, I don't know how much of it was real. But I have to tell you that every fiber of my being had wished it were true. I want to hold you close, and I don't want to ever let you go, Riza."

When she looked up, Roy noticed the uncharacteristic tears spilling down her cheeks. A bit startled, he was relieved to see she was smiling. Truly smiling, with a little chuckle of relief to go with it. "Roy, you don't know how frustrated I felt. I... love you too, I always have."

Two hands circled the colonel's neck as she pulled him down towards her, and she pressed her lips to his. He twined his arms around her waist and deepened the kiss. Her heart literally went a fluttering at his tenderness, and the feeling of butterflies in his stomach was replaced by a sudden ardency, passion, at feeling her tears stain his own face. They lost themselves in each other completely.

"Would you be mine, Riza?" he asked when they finally broke apart, his arms still around her. Embarrassed at being seen in such a weak, damsel-in-distress-like state, she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue she grabbed from her desk.

"Yours?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him when all the tears had been wiped away.

He gently seated her at her own desk, then to her amazement, got down onto one knee in front of her, stuck a hand into his pocket, and brought out a tiny blue box.

This was what he was trying to do when Fuery suddenly interrupted earlier. Now, at least, he knew what she felt.

No matter how disciplined and ready a soldier she was, the girl in her couldn't help but let out a gasp.

He opened it with a flourish, as if he'd already done so, many many times. And he had. He'd been practicing. The seat at the kitchen table could testify to that. Only now it was an office chair, and had a happily surprised-looking Riza on it.

"Riza Hawkeye," the way he said her name, in that voice- it was like hot chocolate on a cold rainy day. It was a voice she loved to hear. It was the kind that warmed her up almost instantly, once she heard it; It immediately filled her with a sense of safety.

"Yes... Roy?" she didn't know how she got the words out.

"Would you do me the honor of being my wife?" he asked slowly, softly. "If.. even in secret? I promise to take care of you, fraternization laws or not. You're the only woman I love now, and the only one I'll probably love forever." he added.

She pondered it a few seconds. Hesitantly, she placed her hands on his shoulders and smiled sadly.

"Roy, I can't accept this. I won't accept this."

His face fell at hearing her words. But before he could react anymore, she continued:

"At least, not before you attain your dream, change the country, and... get rid of those annoying fraternization laws."

He smiled in comprehension, albeit sadly. "I understand." he thought there was a chance she wouldn't accept, but that she would after he convinced her how they could keep their relationship a secret. He glanced at the thin platinum band with a diamond one last time and closed the box, returning it into his pants pocket.

"Are you... disappointed?" she asked him, standing and offering her hand to help him up from the floor. He took it.

"Yes, but it's okay." he shook his head as he stood. "In fact, I feel driven. It's something to keep pushing me to reach my goal, and certainly something I'm looking forward to."

"Thank you, Roy." she took him in a hug, arms around his broad back. He in turn wrapped his arms around her once more, placing his lips on her temple.

"So... I'm not worth breaking the law for, Riza?" I always knew you were a stickler for rules, but..." he asked into her hair cheekily. She heard, though.

"Apparently not, sir." she replied, not at all coldly. She smiled against his chest.

"I'll be counting on you, lieutenant. I need you."

"And I'll be here, colonel. Always here."

"Will you wait for me?"

"Sir, frankly speaking, you aren't going anywhere without me. I'd always be right behind you."

He smirked at her answer, then he leaned down to take her lips again. It was a kiss full of warmth, full of promise, full of longing. It was pure bliss, simply heavenly, just to be in each others' arms. For the last time in a long time, they both realized.

#

"Sniff. I'm so glad you forgot to take that bug out of her gun, Fuery." Breda smiled.

"They're so... sweet." Fuery cried, wiping his runny nose with a tissue.

"Not to mention sad. Tragic, even. Falman put in, a little teary eyed himself.

"I'm going to support the colonel to the end!" Havoc bawled out loud. "Men, this only means we've got to give better than our best to help Colonel Mustang achieve his goal. And for Lieutenant Hawkeye to get her happiness!"

"Aye aye, sir!" came the determined voices from the bushes outside Colonel Mustang's office.

* * *

Phew. That was long. I thought it was time my fic lived up to the romance genre I originally put it under. :) Thank you for reading this until the end. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.

PS. To "Sandwiches". (I just hope you read this.) Thanks for reviewing! I wasn't able to reply to you though, since you did it anonymously. Thank you for pointing out my mistakes in the last chapter. I tend to do that. :) Thank you also, for what you said about my past works. Your words are way too kind. I'll do my best.


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